Going through a miscarriage can be one of the most isolating times in a couples life. It can be raw and emotional and heartbreaking, and it may be difficult to know how to support them during their time of grief. Here are 6 simple ways to help a couple who is experiencing a pregnancy loss.
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How To Support A Couple A Couple Going Through A Miscarriage
It can be hard to know what to do or say when a couple you know and love is going through a miscarriage/pregnancy loss. The first thing to keep in mind, is that you don’t have to have experienced a loss yourself to be compassionate and understanding of their grief. Just offering your support, a shoulder to cry on, and a listening ear can mean the world to a grieving couple. Here are 6 simple ways you can offer support to a couple that you love and care about…
1. Allow Them Time to Heal
Often times couples need a lot of time to heal. Not only is the process of miscarrying depleting physically, but also emotionally, and it can take quite a while for a couple to process this loss. According to the American Pregnancy Association, “physical reactions include: poor appetite, disturbed sleep patterns, restlessness, low energy, and other pains. Emotional reactions may include: panic, persistent fears, nervousness and nightmares.“
This loss is real no matter how far along into the pregnancy they were. The hopes and preparations had already begun, and to have that taken away can be devastating. So, give the couple time to heal. And, also be mindful that certain times of the year may be more difficult as well, such as holidays (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc.) and times around when the baby would’ve been born. So, if they need time to themselves to mourn what would’ve been, give them that space and time.
2. Be There To Listen
Another way you can support a couple going through a pregnancy loss is to simply listen. They may want to talk or share what they’ve just been through, and it’s helpful to just have somebody listen. You don’t have to have something inspiring to say or something uplifting to share, just simply listen and tell them “I’m sorry this happened to you”.
Just having someone to talk to and listen to their story can mean the world to them.
3. Send A Meaningful Gift
If you’re not sure what to say or you just simply want to send a meaningful gift to express your love, send them a Lullaby of Hope Box. These boxes are curated for couples going through infertility, miscarriage, and/or infant loss. They are faith-based and include gifts such as scripture cards, devotional books, candles, herbal teas, and more.
The boxes are put together by other moms who have experienced loss, and include a hand-written note from another grieving mother. These special messages and gifts are priceless to a couple who may feel all alone in their loss or struggle.
I was sent a Lullaby of Hope box by a friend after our second miscarriage and it was so meaningful to me. I love the pearl bracelet they included for me, and useful key chain they included for my husband who was also mourning and grieving in his own way. It was the perfect thoughtful gift to send us during our time of grief.
4. Be Of Service
You can also offer to bring the couple dinner or flowers during their time of mourning. Send them a card with a caring note and a gift card for coffee or a date night out. If you feel comfortable and close enough to the couple, you could offer to clean their house or do their laundry. Be of service to the couple who may just need time to rest.
It was especially nice to us to receive a card or a text from friends and family offering to help us and giving us their prayers and well-wishes. We also loved when my mom stopped by with loads of candy and popcorn, since we were spending a lot of time healing and binge-watching TV. Some times it’s the little things that are the most meaningful.
5. Help Honor Their Loss
Remember the couple on holidays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc. Honor the fact that they are parents as well, even though their child isn’t here on earth with them. Many couples choose to honor their babies by planting a tree, displaying a memoriam, and other ways. Help them honor their baby and their loss by lighting a candle on October 15th, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Honoring their baby helps them heal and feel loved and supported.
6. Be Patient
There is no time-frame to grieving the loss of a pregnancy. Remember to be patient and supportive in the months and years to come. Sometimes it can take a couple a long time to mourn this loss. Having your loving support will help them. Understand that it’s okay to not have any idea of what it’s like to have a miscarriage and, if you actually do, that no two experiences are the same.
You know your friend or loved one the best. Be there and do for her (and her partner) that which will be most meaningful, even if this means not doing anything at all. A listening ear and shoulder to cry on may be the very best way to offer support.
