Mother’s Day is a beautiful time of year. It’s a time when we come together to honor the ladies in our life that made us into the people we are today. It’s a wonderful time of celebration and thankfulness.
However, for some women, this time can be filled with feelings of failure and grief as we are reminded of the very thing that we lack but so desperately desire….to be a mother.
Today I’d like to speak to you Mommy’s At Heart for a minute. I’d like to encourage those of you today that long to be a mother so bad you feel it in your very core.
Here’s what I’d like to share with you today….
Today has been a slow day around here filled with coffee, thunderstorms, binging on TV shows, and working on the blog. I know many friends who would love a nice quiet day, filled with all their favorite things, enjoyed in their pajamas and no makeup. I know I should be thankful for days like this, but sometimes these days are a blessing, and sometimes these days are filled with grief.
You see, I imagined having a busy home, filled with noise, giggles, & time outs. I imagined a home cluttered with toys and stuffed animals. I pictured a fridge covered in artwork and fingerprints, and crumbs from breakfast all over the floor.
Sometimes the silence of these “lazy” days is downright deafening.
I started my blog to share my journey to mommyhood. I wanted to empower other women on this same journey to embrace hope and find joy. And, yet, there I was lacking motivation and thankfulness.
The rain poured outside, creating huge puddles in the grass where I’d always planned to place a swingset. I peered into our backyard and wondered how long it would be before I would hear laughter and splashing in those same puddles. I longed for kids I’d never meant, only dreamed of, covered in mud in sweet brightly colored rain boots.
Then I saw it.
The sun beams peeked through the clouds, and slowly a rainbow appeared. A smile crept onto my face, and tears filled my eyes.
I’ve always loved rainbows, but now they mean so much more to me.
You see, after my long battle with infertility a couple of years ago, I finally became pregnant. We were overjoyed.
Then, in what seemed like an instant, it was over. The baby I’d prayed for, dreamed of, and loved for just a short while was now in Heaven.
I’d never meet him or her. I’d never hold him in my arms. I’d never see his sweet face.
And, once again, we were back on the infertility band wagon. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me, and like time had stopped
I am in the season of waiting like so many other moms out there. I am waiting for my Rainbow Baby….the baby born after a miscarriage/loss. They are called Rainbow Babies because they are the beautiful promise at the end of the storm.
Dear friend,
If you are in this same season of life, I am here with you. I truly believe that motherhood is born first in the heart. That’s why I call us, Mommy’s At Heart.
Motherhood begins with every plan, dream, prayer, and tear that is shed over our sweet babies. It begins with a deep desire to give yourself to the service of another human being, and the willingness to sacrifice everything to fulfill this dream.
As Mother’s Day quickly approaches, we Mommy’s In Waiting can often feel overlooked and forgotten. It can be a sorrow-filled time as we are blatantly reminded of the one thing we are missing, and so desperately want.
I just want to encourage you today to not give up hope. I want you to know that you are loved and perfect just the way you are. Those thoughts and feelings of failure and inadequacy are not valid. You have worth. There is a greater plan at work.
I saw a quote recently that really hit home,
“Life Always Gets Harder Near The Summit”
I’m sure mountain climbers understand this. I’ve never climbed a mountain, although it is on my Bucket List. The closest I’ve ever gotten was standing on the summit of Cadillac Mountain in Bar Harbor, Maine. Looking out over the summit and across the harbor and the ocean was completely breathtaking. But, we didn’t strain to get there…we drove our car up the mountain.
But, if you were to climb that same mountain, the expert climbers would warn you of how difficult it can be. The closer they get to the summit of the mountain, it becomes harder to breathe, gets colder & more strenuous. But, the payoff is the beautiful view once they reach the top, and the satisfaction of knowing they pushed through the pain and strain to reach the highest height.
Often times the battle with infertility and loss can feel the same, can’t it? It can feel like an uphill climb. There have been times when I’ve wondered if the journey is worth it. I have felt unsure of my footing, had moments of sheer panic, and thought I couldn’t go on. How about you?
Can I encourage you today, dear friend, to keep on keeping on? Show yourself a little bit of grace, lose the guilt, find some joy in your current season of life, and press on toward the goal?
My hope and prayer for all of us, is that soon enough, we’ll all reach the summit of this mountain and stand together looking out over the horizon of motherhood and know that all the pain, tears, sweat, & frustration was worth it.
For those of you who have already climbed this mountain, and get the pleasure of raising little ones, please know how important and unique your “job” is. Your children were specifically picked for you. You were the mommy chosen for them. So, no matter how difficult motherhood is, you can rest assured that you are doing the best you can and that you are exactly the mom your kids need.
Where are you on your journey to motherhood?
Is it a dream that’s just begun in your heart, or do you have several sweet babies pining for your attention every second of every day? Have you run out of hope in your current season? Are you praying for life to begin, or mourning a life that’s ended too soon?
Wherever you are in this beautiful journey of mommyhood, please know you are enough, you are right where you should be, & there is a bigger plan for you & your family than you could ever imagine.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mommies At Heart, Mommies of Angels, Mommies in Waiting, & Mommies right smack dab in the heart of motherhood. You are all special.
32 Comments
Oh Stephanie…this touched my heart deeply and brought tears. Tears for where you are and tears for where I’ve been. God has blessed me greatly and I love the season I’m in right now. Thank you for the wise words of encouragement and hang on tight. I was 39 when I got my sweet baby and she is a gift I try to never take for granted. I can’t wait to see how God writes your story. Love you.
Thank you, Twila. That’s so sweet.
Stephanie,
It took us 15 1/2 years to become parents, so when Mother’s Day comes around, I still have feelings of panic, even after 18 years of motherhood. I always pray for all the women at church who struggle through the day. The feeling will never leave me. Thanks for sharing. ❤️
Thank you, Mrs. Thompson. {I can’t seem to not call you that! :-)}
First of all, I am sending you all of my love and hope. I pray you will be granted your miracle. I was a mommy at heart for many years before I was finally granted my little miracle. I was given less than 1% of ever having a child and my first born survived only one day. That long road led me to finally to the gift I waited over a decade for, my daughter. Motherhood really is miraculous, but it does come in mysterious ways. I can’t wait to see where your journey leads you. Happy Mother’s Day.
Oh, wow, Brittany your story is so touching. Thank you for sharing. So glad that you have your daughter now. The journey to motherhood certainly can be long and not what we planned. Happy Mother’s Day to you too.
Oh Stephanie, my heart goes out to you. What a sweet, sweet post. I have been so incredibly fortunate as to raise our oldest 2 (22 and 19), and am currently raising our 8 year old. However, 25 years ago, our first son passed away at 2 weeks of age. We were never able to hold him or hear him cry. Our loss was absolutely heartbreaking. There are times it still brings me to tears. There are also times that loss causes me to rejoice in that I can look back across 25 years and see so much good that came from that experience, in myself, my marriage, and even my extended family. My faith grew out of that loss. I wish we had the experience of raising our son, but I’m thankful to God that we kept going and didn’t give up, or stop. We don’t always make sense out of the hurt, loss, ,or turmoil in our lives. I know that it was that experience of loss that prompted me to be more compassionate towards those suffering loss and grief, and propelled me to go into the field of marriage and family therapy. Most often, it’s the moments along the way that prompt our own personal growth, but it’s the total compilation of our journey that helps us to begin seeing more clearly what our growth has caused in our journey, therefore changing our perspective. Blessings to you. Happy Mother’s Day to you, Mommy at Heart. <3
Thank you so much, Christi, for this sweet comment. I’m so sorry your lost your first son. What a heartbreaking thing to go through. I agree that so much good can come from these horrible times in our lives. Thank you for the encouragement today.
How beautiful! Thank you for sharing your heart! I too struggled with infertility. I look back now on the time I spent with the Lord, begging him for a child and I see how much He grew me and prepared me in ways I could have never imagined. I prayed Hannah’s prayer for a son and I now have a son named Samuel because of that passage. We also have another biological child and an adopted child. Thank you for sharing your journey. God’s timing and plans can be grueling but they are always best. Keep praying and trusting Him! <3
Thank you, Amy! I was just writing a post about Hannah today. I love how in the passage it says that she also wept, and was downhearted. I love that we have a Biblical example of a. woman going through infertility, and that God thought it was important enough to share with us. Thank you for your prayers & thanks for stopping by the blog today.
I got goosebumps reading this. I suffered from infertility and finally got pregnant on my 4th IUI. I remember all too well the dread of Mother’s Day and the emptiness. I wish you all the best and hope you get your rainbow baby soon! Xoxo
Thank you, Gemma! Hopefully our Rainbow Baby will be here soon. Thank you for the support on my blog! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story. You are not alone. You and all other “mommies in waiting” are in my thoughts.
Thank you, Irene! Appreciate your kind words. 🙂
This is such a beautiful post. All my love to you and your journey.
Thank you, Yvette. 🙂
What a beautiful post…I can’t imagine the struggles you have faced. I am sending positive thoughts your way and prayers that you will meet your little one soon. Thank you for sharing your story, you have already touched so many lives by writing this post!
Oh, that’s so sweet, Kayla! That means so much! Thank you!
This just broke my heart. Beautifully written. I think with this message you have given hope and strength to a lot of women who are battling with infertility.
Lots of love for you for being so strong.
Thank you so much! That means the world to me! Thanks for visiting! 🙂
What a sweet, thoughtful, and inspirational post! This heartfelt post has touched me and will touch many more I’m sure. Thank you for sharing your story.
Oh, thank you so much, Erin! 🙂
What a beautiful post. Sending you so much love and hope. How awesome of you to encourage others along your journey.
Thank you, Camesha! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
I wish I could give you a hug. Your post was so sweet and personal.
Thank you, Katie! That’s so sweet of you to say!
Thank you for sharing your story. I agree, Mother’s Day is so hard. We are just starting our journey with infertility; it’s only been 14 months, but it’s long and hard. It’s so sad to hear your story – and prayers are coming your way – but also nice to know that I’m not alone.
You are definitely not alone, Lisa! Hope and prayers coming your way during your journey! Hang in there! Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you! 🙂
So powerful and very personal post. I had tears! Love this post. My sister was straggle to become a Mom. They lost first baby. He was fighting for two months so they have hope. After that they couldn’t get pregnant but now after years they have beautiful girl ans she is as same age as my son:)
That’s wonderful to hear. Thank you for sharing that story with us.
Stephanie,
I am so happy that I’ve came across your blog. These words are so encouraging. I am still a mommy at heart but your words are encouraging me to keep on keeping on. Think you for having the courage to tell the world your story.
Thank you so much, Tyra. I’m glad you found some encouragement here. We’re still on our journey. Hang in there, sweet friend!